Creativity takes Courage

Bear with my guys, I'm an external processor.

I love creating.

But the honest truth, I am actually not that good at it.

Now my mother, grandmothers, husband or best friend might say I'm being ridiculous and of course I'm good at it! I'm so creative. And look what I made! Yadda. Yadda. 

Now this is true, I am creative, per se. 

In comparison to myself, yes, I'm creative. 

And, yes, I do enjoy creating. 

{Why should I be comparing myself to others any ways?}

But only when I'm good at it and I'm not very good at it. 

I'm one of those people that pick things up easily and I am usually pretty good at whatever it is. I'm a fast learner and quick thinker. And because of my past "successes" there's something in my that says I'll be naturally good at anything I try. {Sounds vain. But there's a worse lie hidden in that pride.}

So, ya, I'm good at a lot of things. 

For a moment. And I'm never great.

Because the second I get "good" at something, I grow bored of that something, because it's no longer foreign and interesting, and I move on to my next something. 

{Maybe the lie is the fear of actually not being "great" at something, so I stop at the naturally "good" so I don't fail at the naturally great.}

And with all this "naturally good at most things" personality trait I have it doesn't leave me with much grace or patience for things I'm not good at or things that take practice and perseverance. 

Is anyone else like this?

Back to creating. 

You may have seen some of my attempts at creating on the blog. Pinterest just beckons my inner creator/dreamer to come and make something beautiful. And so I have tried. And have not done so hot. 

Our living room wall, which holds 3 of my creations, taunts me every time I look at it. It screams "ordinary," "ugly,""sufficient," "just okay but not great." All of these words are dementors (if you don't know this reference. Get out! Just kidding. Please stay. But really. Read Harry Potter. It's the best!) to the aspiring creative spirit inside me. 

I started making a canvas for baby Violet the other day. I was pleased by my straight lines, choice of color and ability to use a sticker. But everything else just peeved me. It just wasn't perfect! The brown was too 'ugh.' The paint started cracking. The straight line sticker left indentions. It just looked too homemade (and not in the good way), too imperfect!

Usually, says the pattern of my life, I would just give up. Throw in the towel because let's face it, I'm not a natural. Though, I long to create. To use my hands. To rest in and worship the Lord in creating. I would, usually, just throw in the towel.

Then, right when I was about to throw the canvas at the wall, it occurred to me. Grace. Patience. Practice. 3 words that don't really go together on most picture frame word quotes from Hobby Lobby or Michaels, but they worked for me. 

Grace. I must give myself grace. I must be gentle with my creations. Though they are not the greatest, my heart is in them and I must be kind to myself, as a friend, and be gentle in my critique. 

Patience. I must have patience in and respect the creative process. (I ALWAYS start changing clothes or cleaning dishes before my nail polish has dried, and end up frustrated I'm not that good at painting my nails, since they always smudge.)

I never just wait, patiently. Also, I must have patience with myself in learning how to create.

Practice. I must practice. Most things don't come perfectly and naturally for everyone. I need to stop thinking that things should always come naturally for me. There is value in practicing. There are lessons and improvements in each attempt. And there is much needed character building in the practice and perseverance process.

And so. 

An oath.

I vow, to try to the best of my abilities to keep trying. To keep pursuing things that I love but come difficult to me. I vow to have grace with myself and my creations. I vow to have patience and to practice well. 

I encourage you if you have given up on something you loved because you weren't great at it, keep trying! And remember to have Grace, have Patience, and Practice!